You’re my dad, and I don’t like being rude to you. I really don’t. It makes me feel super bad; I could feel all those bad karma surrounding me whenever I roll my eyes or think of profanities in this evil brain of mine. But you’re not exactly helping me to avoid being rude, are you? I know and understand deeply that you’re an authority figure, the leader of the family, the boss, the king, the one with ALL the say in the family but really, be more understanding? Please?
Let’s go through this like an adult, that we are, shall we? I have accepted, rather grudgingly, that curfew defines my life. I’m cool (reluctantly, of course) with you setting it at 9 p.m or when you’re in an awful mood at 8 p.m. I squeeze my eyes shut and imagine myself as a parent and I understand that you wouldn’t want me to mix around with bad companies and all. I get it. But the thing is, I don’t have any “bad” friends. They don’t smoke (sheesha doesn’t count) nor do they drink nor do they have sex (god forbid!) with random strangers. See? They’re pretty decent people. Like me. I don’t even have boyfriend, for fuck’s sake. Okay, maybe fuck is not the right word, but I just want to prove a point. No one, in the right state of mind, is even mildly interested in me. I’m quite a goner.
Shall I list the things you refrain me from doing? Maybe that would make you realize how unreasonable you are in this 21st century.
No talking to boys (like I said, they are not interested in your mad daughter)
No going out with boys (note: one of my best friend is a guy but he don’t really see me as a girl so you could smooth that frown of yours, nothing is ever gonna happen)
No talking on the phone (are you kidding me? I swear I’m not having phone sex or whatever, I’m not capable of that, I’ll burst out laughing you see, and that is not so much of a turn on is it?)
No going out more than once per week (aren’t you tired from seeing my face? I am, I if were you)
No movies after 10 p.m. (umm, I cannot figure out how this is gonna damage my growth, not that I am experiencing any at the moment)
No computer after 10 p.m. (I am not watching porn, either. You should keep a look-out for your sons instead, they are more liable to porn)
No reading after 10 p.m. (I know you want to save electricity, but tell me one thing, what in god’s name am I suppose to do?! I don’t sleep that early you know, that will just accentuate my no-life-ness)
That’s all I could think of right now but I bet on my life there are more restrictions that you have imposed on your very poor daughter. Like no going to the shop once the sun sets. Again, I have no assets, nobody’s gonna rape me. It’s a waste of time.
I know worrying is part of being a parent but though I seem blur and confused and all that, I could take care of my self pretty good. I don’t ever get into trouble, have I? ‘Cept for talking too much, maybe. But that’s beside the point, the point is, I just need a little bit more leash on this tight collar you placed around my neck. I promised I won’t forget you or decide to elope or drink rum or tongue a stranger or strip in the middle of the street. I won’t do that. Really.
I really hope you understand this turmoil I’m facing. It’s rather suffocating, to be honest.
Though I am unable to express a strong likeness towards any of your tiny whinny dogs (big ones are pretty cool e.g. golden retriever/siberian husky), I do respect that you owners love those tiny creatures with all your heart (yes, I saw some of y’all doing funny faces at ‘em but hey, I’m not judging). Having a pet, especially when it is as tiny and whiny as yours, is practically like having a newly-born baby, yes? You have to walk it once or twice a day, give it ample amount of food and nurture it and stuff like that. Completely understood.
The thing that I do not understand is, why oh why don’t y’all put a leash on your “babies”? The park is full of people enjoying their night walks & jogs. Maybe you thought that you wanna give it freedom or something, but mister, you’re so wrong. It is highly inconvenient for us, the true owner of the park, to keep dodging it while it barked quite insanely. Please, put a leash on it. And do not purposely let go of the leash when you see an oncoming jogger. You never know, one day, your tiny little lovely dogs might just be able to fly. Yes, it’s a threaten alright.
The other thing, poop. I mean all living things have to, one way or another, shit. That’s common sense, really. So if your “babies” poop, you jolly well pick up their poop and throw it away. No, I do not mean you just covered it with newspaper and left it there. Do you have any idea how bad it stank? Imagine that you’re having a nice romantic walk with your partner, taking in the fresh night air, oh wait; it’s not fresh now is it? Its shitified air now, shit-smelling all over. Shit to your right. Shit to your left. Shit everywhere! Maybe you might have already gotten used to smelling such things, but we poor souls have not, and don’t want to get used to such atrosity. So please, keep the environment and air and the park, especially, clean. And I’d better not step on any shit, I’m warning you, or…
I would like to express my most sincere gratitude to y’all. Really, those little blue thang on the road is rather pleasing to the eye. Singapore roads will look rather “naked” without your presence, if you know what I mean.
In a way, you save people’s life. Just like a doctor, eh? You see, you dispatch those late for work, saving them from their boss’s wrath (and probably coffee-breath too). You save those souls who nearly die from the intense heat. You save the self-respect of those who were groped during peak hours in the trains. You did it all. Aren’tcha proud? Good.
Hopefully you’re flattered enough to listen to my fuss. It is actually quite an irritating problem, to be honest. I am, but an honest person. Firstly, stop stopping your car at every single person who stands on the pavement. Seriously, not everyone wants to ride you, okay? We’re not so rich. Doesn’t mean we stand on the pavement we’re looking for a cab. So please, oh please, stop stopping your darn cab infront of us if we did not hail for you, alright? It’s just plain annoying.
Secondly, we know, surprising as it is that you are way faster than any pedestrian. So, if you see a pedestrian crossing the road, please do not deliberately hit the gas and try to run us down. I know you got the kick to see us running wildly and losing our shoe in the process. I know it’s rather comical. I know it made your day. I know it made you feel great that YOU are in the very powerful car. But let me tell you this, it is inhumane. That’s right. Bloody inhumane. If you don’t want us pedestrians to do voodoo on you and your next seven generations, better stop it. I’m warning you, boy.
Thirdly and lastly, you piss me off. Just because.
By the time I received your letter I was too gloomy to be bitter. I, too, regret that my application has not been successful. I, too, regret that I haven’t been given a chance for an interview or something like that. But it doesn’t matter now, does it? I am fully aware that it is wholly due to my stinking result that I was not even considered for an interview. Yes, yes, I understand that. I was trying to be an optimistic, not a good idea now, I think.
But really, thank you for at least giving me a chance to submit an appeal. That, I will, definitely. Very kind of you. Yeap, I am pretty desperate right now.
Another thing that I have to thank you about; making me facing up to reality that there is no fucking way I have enough money for SIM since I had to at least pay ten-fucking-thousand even after applying for a student loan. Awesome. You, NUS, single-handedly force me to find a serious job, for a year at least? So powerful la you.
And please, for fuck sake, stop wishing me the best. It is NOT gonna happen. Seriously, you guys.
Oh well, its sucha a bummer that I receive your letter. Really. I doubt you meant it when you express your gratitude that I applied to your university. I bet in your head (if you have, that is) you’ll be like “Why do these dimwits kept applying to us? Are they delusional?!” Just so you know, we are not, at least I’m not, I had just thought that maybe, just maybe, you’ll not just look at merits and actually look at the person applying. Ah well, guess you’re all the same, no? Shallow, that’s what.
Anyways, did you just seek my understanding that you receive a record number of applications? You boasting, dear NTU? Are you saying you’re so good? That all students aspire to be in you? Are you saying that? Are you? And I, though you deemed me rather stupid since I was unable get a seat in your highly-acclaimed university, know that you have limited seats to offer but c’mon, my ass is practically non-existence. I can easily squeeze in and you wouldn’t even notice me. I swear. Okay, maybe that’s not very practical but still, there are students to whom you gave the seats and they might have rejected you and accepted the offer in NUS (yeap, sorry to disappoint you but NUS is still better, in ranking at least). If that were to happen, there will be an empty seat, wouldn’t there? Now, now, why cant I be the one filling that empty seat? Why, I ask you?
I really wonder what made you wish me the very best for my quest for a quality university education. Is your purpose to just crush me further? Rubbing salt in the open wound now, are we? Such a dirty game you’re playing, ntu. If you had given me a seat, my quest would have ended wouldn’t it? I would, then, receive a quality education and you wouldn’t even need to wish me the best.
Still, I thank you for spoiling my perfectly good night with the arrival of your letter and the deafening nag from my dad that follows swiftly. Best wishes, my arse.